Hacksaw Announces Retirement
Hello.
After some deliberation with my loved ones and close family friends,
After some deliberation with my loved ones and close family friends,
it is with a heavy heart that I announce my retirement from The Pensblog.
The last two years have been a turbulent time in my life.
I was caught doing coke in a movie theater.
The exact details of the transaction that sent me to Fear The Fin is something that no one should know about.
But, most prominently, I respect The Pensblog for not releasing my current battle with sex addiction
The last two years have been a turbulent time in my life.
I was caught doing coke in a movie theater.
The exact details of the transaction that sent me to Fear The Fin is something that no one should know about.
But, most prominently, I respect The Pensblog for not releasing my current battle with sex addiction
that has directly correlated with my subpar performance in recent times.
[ Chokes up ] Through it all, The Pensblog was my rock.
I was called on time and again to come through in big games.
And I just couldn't deliver.
I don't want to interfere with the current playoff run,
[ Chokes up ] Through it all, The Pensblog was my rock.
I was called on time and again to come through in big games.
And I just couldn't deliver.
I don't want to interfere with the current playoff run,
so I've requested that a retirement ceremony is delayed until the start of the 2010-2011 season.
Rest assured that I will be glued to the television for the rest of the season.
Go Pens. God Bless.
Rest assured that I will be glued to the television for the rest of the season.
Go Pens. God Bless.
[ Voice quivering ] h-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
[ Collapses at the podium. ]
Thanks for everything you did, Hacksaw.
To alleviate the grief that this press conference has brought, we give you Penguin cats:
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