In which Santa Stoosh squeezes his fat ass down that chimney and finds the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse...
Or we just check some Christmas wish lists, Pittsburgh Penguins-style.
Doc Brown's DeLorean and enough plutonium to get him back to the morning of January 1, 2011.
Some respect from a few in the local media would be nice.
With 36 points in 26 games, Malkin is averaging 1.38 points per game this season. If you're scoring at home, that matches his per-game output of his career year in 2008-09, and it's the best he's played since the 2009 Cup run when he averaged 1.5 points per game.
What's more, he's playing well in all three zones just as he was in that '09 playoff year. The Buffalo game the other night was probably his most dominant all-around effort since he rendered Joe Corvo completely speechless on national television in the 2009 Eastern Conference Finals.
Yes, it's a relatively small sample. Yes, he needs to keep it up, especially with Crosby out. Yes, he deserved the criticism he got for the last two seasons.
But people wanted to see a return of the 2008-09 Malkin. You've very clearly got him back.
For Dustin Jeffrey to get healthy so he doesn't have to play center anymore.
When it comes time to talk about that new deal for James Neal, for Neal's agent to be generous. Or drunk.
A week at Adam Oates's "The Basics of Passing a Puck" Hockey Camp. And a hypnotist who can convince him the corners of the net look like leg pads and crests on goaltenders' jerseys.
(Yes, we're nitpicking in the general scheme of things, but last year, TK sported a 9.0% shooting percentage. This year? 3.9%. With key players out, secondary players have to step up. TK's done it before.)
For SOMEONE in the mainstream hockey media to notice that he has taken just six minor penalties all year and hasn't been involved in one incident this year that even remotely merited discussion of a call from Shanahan.
Greg Wyshynski over at Puck Daddy got the ball rolling with this solid piece back in early November. It's just kind of funny that no one else has really followed up on it, given that many in the mainstream media will be tripping all over themselves to be the first in line to grab a pitchfork or torch and march on Consol if he DOES screw up even a little bit.
That's indicative of just how paper-thin Cooke's margin for error really is, and likely will remain for the duration of his career. Maybe then it's for the best that he continue to fly under the radar.
Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Pens fans...
Ryan Miller in net all night, every night.
For SOMEONE...ANYONE who has a say over the production of hockey games at Root Sports Pittsburgh to call CBC and ask to borrow for their copy of "Hockey Broadcasts for Dummies" for a month or six.
For Ray Shero to get the Cup out of the trophy case and set it on the credenza behind his desk when Sid, Neal and Staal pop in the office to discuss those new contracts.
For someone to turn down the volume of the sound system at Consol, even just a little. Loud is good. Having to shout through breaks in the game at the person right next to you? Not so much.
And of course, the obvious.
For everyone involved to be healthy come playoff time. This is a team that has all of its "veteran" key components now entering the prime years of their careers. It would be really, really nice to see what this entire team can do as one healthy, cohesive unit for more than two games in a row.