This is the kind of game that, if it had taken place in the middle of the regular season, would have ruined your weekend.
The first period saw the Pens sleep walk their way to a 2-0 lead.
The second saw every wheel fall off the bus at once.
Only one fighting major per team, but the refs definitely earned their paychecks anyway.
Interestingly enough, the Pens site and NHL.com say that Andy Rogers doesn't exist.
The lesson here is: You steal Mario's number, your existence is wiped from the earth.
Though ESPN had Mike Zigomanis playing (and serving Geno's penalties) so we have no idea what's going on.
A Fleury of Saves
The first 20 minutes looks like mens against boys.
The Pens were everywhere and the Leafs were struggling to keep up.
Andy Rogers shoots the puck over the glass and is given two minutes for blasphemy.
Seriously, who decides wearing number 66 in Pittsburgh is a good idea?
The penalties start adding up for the Leafs. Jeff Finger trips over his wallet and has no choice but to take a hooking call.
Just as the penalty ends, Matt Cooke puts it past James Reimer. 1-0.
Buries It calls down from the owner's box and demands that Rogers is given another penalty.
Almost immediately he's sent to the box for elbowing.
The Rogers penalties were the first time we were kind of glad that John Barbaro wasn't announcing. Hearing him say "Number 66" and not following it with "Mario Lemieuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuux" would be heartbreaking.
Geno looks like he's playing against an AHL team and, in many ways, he is.
In order to alleviate his boredom, he jams the puck into the net. 2-0.
Everything was going so well.
The Pens get another "Powerball Powerplay" but no dice.
The first ends with the Pens leading 10-3 in the shot department.
The second period starts the same way as the first, with Rogers getting another penalty for making a bad choice in life.
At this point we'd like to mention how awesome it is that he was booed every time he touched the puck.
We're usually not advocates for booing, but when some joke decides that it's okay to wear the number 66 in Pittsburgh, it's deserved.
Craig Adams ends some Leaf's life with a huge hit on the boards.
Boyce rushes in to challenge Adams and he eats a big elbow.
Adams is sent to the box for five minutes and the Leafs are given a chance to survive.
Jason Blake once again teaches us that you don't have to like someone just because they had cancer.
He always manages to make life miserable for the Pens. 2-1.
It's not over. On the same major penalty Ian White ties it. What happened to his moustache? 2-2.
Just when you were nodding off and contemplating going out, Mellon Arena Syndrome strikes.
Reverend Lovejoy takes a penalty.
Five-on-three for 15 seconds. The first penalty is killed.
Then John Mitchell scores. 3-2.
Fleury and Macdonald come in to relieve Johnson and Reimer. The crowd approves of MAF.
We'd just like to saw that every time we heard the announcers say "Konstantin" we expected to hear "Koltsov" before actually hearing "Pushkarev."
Caputi gets clipped and White gets a penalty.
Malkin takes offense and gets right in White's face.
What a player.
The Pens powerplay is short lived as Guerin gets called for slashing.
How imposing is a line with both Bissonnette and Rupp on it? Biz Nasty was ready to fight anyone and everyone.
He finally does, collecting Mario Lemieux's bounty and taking out Andy Rogers.
We've never heard the announcement of a penalty to a fringe player in a preseason game receive boos as loud as Rogers received.
Apparently goaltender interference isn't a penalty anymore. Somebody named Juraj Mikus scores. 4-2.
The only Minkus we know was on Boy Meets World.
Solid show, if only for Topanga.
More penalties to start the third.
Wallace is called for slashing. Malkin kills most of that penalty himself.
Then White gets a sent to the box for shaving.
The Leafs kill the first half of it, but then Orpik Buries It??? 4-3.
Shine up the Art Ross Geno, Free Candy is gunning for it.
Jason Allison gets two minutes for letting time pass him by.
The Pens get some pressure, but Macdonald comes up big.
The Pens pull MAF with just over a minute remaining.
No Crosby, Staal, Kunitz, Fedotenko or Gonchar.
But it's not like the Leafs dressed anything resembling an NHL line-up.
The two teams meet again on Tuesday.
Phil Kessel is now a Maple Leaf.
If anyone else sent us anthem pics and they're not in this post, post them in Cblog.