He's banged out beastly Homer-esque comments with a high level of consistency.
Given that large stretches of this season never really felt quite right for Pens fans, perhaps it was entirely fitting that the 2009-10 NHL season closed with one of the most awkward on-ice celebrations in recent memory. And if Patrick Kane being the only person in the arena that actually saw his Cup-winning goal go in wasn’t odd enough, the bizarro epilogue was officially written last night when the Hershey Bears won the Calder Cup and former Penguin forward/zamboni Chris Bourque was named AHL Playoff MVP.
You all remember Chris Bourque, right? How could you forget Chris Bourque? Lord knows the ice surface at Mellon Arena never will.
Caption: Here we see what happens when you take a Chris Bourque (sp.Falldownus Goboomius) away from its natural habitat (indigenous to Hershey, PA area) and place it in brighter lights.
Okay, okay, enough about Chris Bourque. I could do this all day, but like Lord Vader said…
We’ve been here a little more than a month, and it’s already a month too long.
Thrashers and Blue Jackets fans – unaware that NHL hockey can be played beyond April - are looking around right now going, “What the hell took you all so long?”
Red Wings fans? Counting Tuesdays, as if you needed to guess.
Oilers fans are getting advanced sales in on those #4 Taylor Hall jerseys and hoping they aren’t out $200 if Edmonton takes Tyler Seguin first overall instead.
Bruins fans are wondering what number Hall will wear if he falls to them at the second spot. As good as Hall is, he’s gonna have to change that number. The Bruins have a better chance of blowing a three-games-to-none series lead than they do un-retiring Bobby Orr’s number for some kid, right? Right?
Coyotes fans are exhaling, knowing they don’t have to inquire about that purchase of NHL Center Ice just yet, while Winnipeg fans put those Jets jerseys away, but maybe only for one more year.
Sens fans are preparing for life without Volchenkov. And maybe Spezza.
Da fan of da Devil would love…ta ennertain da thought…of bringin’ back KovaCHOO, but dey may haff a coach who’s not impress. He sofffffff. (It’s coming, Devils fans. Therrien. Get ready.)
Isles fans may be tempering the Draft Day parties a little bit this year, not that Brett Connolly would be a bad pick at number five (eleven years after they took another Connolly – Tim – fifth overall in 1999).
Rangers fans are waiting to see how much more cap space Sather can dump on another useless, past-his-prime free agent that doesn’t fit their roster.
Preds fans are wondering if this will be the summer they finally make a splash with a superstar in free agency. Given that there’s only one bonafide superstar in this free agent market, probably not. Not that it’ll matter. They’ll probably be back in the playoffs again next year regardless.
Panthers fans are…wait, are there still Panthers fans? Can someone check? Or is it just a bunch of people curious to see who’s making all that racket in the BankAtlantic Center every couple of nights between October and March? (And kudos if you knew that the name of the Panthers arena was “BankAtlantic Center” without having to Google it.)
Kings and Blues fans are anxiously awaiting July 1, hoping they’ll have spiffy new #17 Kovalchuk jerseys to buy.
Tampa Bay fans are paying attention to the Rays (first-place baseball teams will do that), enjoying the quiet since the Koules-Barrie-Lawton circus left town and are hoping that new owner Jeff Vinik gets the rest of the roster to train with Gary Roberts this summer.
Minnesota and Calgary fans are looking for offense…anything to give Mikko Koivu and Jarome Iginla some help.
Ducks fans and Stars fans are hoping their respective general managers don’t let Bobby Ryan and James Neal get anywhere close to July 1 without a contract extension. Pens fans are hoping Ray Shero has an offer sheet ready in case they do.
Canes fans are…doing whatever it is Canes fans do in the summer.
Avs fans are getting used to a winning team that doesn’t have a #19 Sakic, #33 Roy or #21 Forsberg out there in maroon and blue.
Habs fans are still looking for another car to overturn or storefront window to shatter. Nothing calls for a riot like the end of another hockey season.
Caps fans have arrived. That Calder Cup will look awfully nice next to that Presidents Trophy.
Sabres fans are waiting for the team to dump that stupid logo from the jerseys.
Canucks and Sharks fans are tired of being experts on goaltender implosions. And yes, Andy Sutton, with the amount of tape they’ve had to look at on the subject the last few years, they ARE experts.
Leafs fans? Captain Dion Phaneuf. Enjoy.
Flyers fans are…who the hell cares? They’re likely still turning on Mike Richards and hopefully they’re all still miserable.
For Blackhawks fans, it’s just getting started. This summer will be one of the best of your lives. Enjoy it. And thank Patrick Kane for making Brian Bosworth’s old haircut relevant once more.
At least until Draft Day rolls around and you see half your team traded away thanks to the salary cap hell you’re currently in.
But hey, it’s the Chicago Blackhawks, man.
Draft and free agency stuff next week, folks.